I Don't Sauce My Salmon

So I went through a typical night- where I binge and then purge, through no intention other than my Lupus. I bought two pounds of salmon, fixed it with lemon juice and parsley and proceeded to binge on it. Of course, about twenty minutes later, I then proceeded to purge it, as per usual with me.


I suffer from involuntary eating disorders- Lupus induced Anorexia and Bulimia- meaning I go through periods where I don't feel like eating and therefore don't eat, or I go through periods where I binge on food and then throw it up. I've had this for close to four years, and I've gotten used to it by now. It doesn't bother me, thought it bothers the majority of my friends and my flatmates.


When I met Jordan for coffee today, I told him about the two pounds of salmon I'd bought and then cooked. In his very British way, he freaked out- silently, continuous staring, stoic; I've come to accept that's just Jordan and his British-ness- and proceeded to tell me about a friend of his he'd lost who bought a fish or a fish tank before she died (I was having difficulty following it, because he spoke so fast and his accent thickened) and proceeded to. when I was able. reassure him that I was fine, but I'd just gone through one of my usual health issues and it was nothing to worry about, that I was used to it.


He offhandedly asked me how I sauced it when I fixed it, and I distractedly replied with, "I don't sauce my salmon." It's become an inside joke between the two of us now, one that makes everyone else in Drama look at us like we've lost our minds because let's face it, we're just that twisted.


My health will fluctuate; it's something I've learned to live with. As for the salmon, I won't touch it for a while, both for Jordan's peace of mind and because I can't stomach it after my last binge.

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